Wrongness and Rightness Sucks, Y’all!
This isn’t exactly breaking news, and you get it when you get it. To be fair I have gotten this for a very long time. Making oneself wrong for everything you're not doing well enough, not doing at all, or even for just being, is the biggest killer of possibilities there is.
When even on an unconscious level you have decided you are wrong - about anything - nothing new can show up. Nothing that doesn’t match your conclusions will penetrate your world. It’s like a gate that keeps out something greater.
Then, I got it in a different way, like a ton of bricks to the head, the undercurrent of self-judgment that I have in my world. For the most part it’s not the big, obvious moments of self-recrimination. Those do still exist, and they are impossible to miss.
It’s the non-verbal, insidious, wispy judgment that really does me in, and undermines the choices I could make, might even like to make, but don’t because this silent (yet deafening) partner is with me. Does any of this apply to you?
I might not even have recognized how present it was if I hadn’t listened to an audio of a meeting for those of us who facilitate Being You Adventure classes had. In it, some changes to how we can facilitate classes were presented and we were given a strong talk about creating classes and getting this out in the world more. It was all delivered with total allowance, caring and acknowledgement for what we be and create whether or not we have classes.
Yet, all I heard was, “wow, you really fucked this one up!” And, the kicker was, it was me talking to me. It wasn’t Dain (the creator of this), it was my own judgement of what I haven’t been choosing.
A wave of something resembling sadness, and regret flooded over me. And the heaviness is still with me now, it is the intensity of it that made me stop what I was doing and sit down and write. I do this partially for my own clarity and awareness and I know I am not the only one doing this. And, if writing something assists even one person to be kinder to themselves it is all worth it.
I am a bit gobsmacked at the simultaneous intensity, subtleness, and persistence of the wrongness I have been delivering to myself and carrying on my back. You see, it’s been about 4-5 months since I have even tried to create a Being You class. I totally checked out.
They haven’t been the easiest classes to get people to, which I totally, did not understand. I thought, Who doesn’t want to uncover and have more of themselves, and then allow themselves to fully show up in their lives and in the world? These classes offer the change, and joy and inspiration to fully step into everything we all know, or suspect or wish we could be, but haven’t quite gotten to. And, i am willing to acknowledge that I am really, really, great at facilitating this and helping people to shift, change and choose whatever it is they would like.
So why haven’t I been choosing this for myself? What is it that allows me to quit on me?
A huge part of it is this constant non-cognitive analysis of whether I am doing things right, and what else I could be and choose but haven’t. It also has to do with all the stuff I have decided I am doing right, or well enough. It’s like this weird cop-out of, “I am doing and being all of this over here, so it doesn’t really matter if I am not doing it over there.” It’s like some bizarro balance sheet that evens itself out.
Except I am a being, not a bank account. I am not satisfied with balance. I desire a great life, filled with adventure and joy and going for it, sometimes falling down, getting back up and then taking two more steps, and then two more…
What if any evaluation (which inherently includes right and wrong) is totally anti-helpful? What would it be like to always have allowance for what has been chosen, and always be in question, “what now, what next?” instead of conducting an internal tally?
If I were to create my Being You classes from the contractive place of having to do it because it’s the right choice, what am I actually creating? Where is the fun, joy and inspiration in that? There isn’t - it’s just a big conclusion. If instead, I choose to do it because it’s I love it, and I am good at it and because it excites me, and not being concerned about whether anyone shows up, it is a totally different thing. And, it is what is congruent with me.
What wrongness, or not-right-enoughness (yep, made that word up) have you been quietly perpetrating on yourself, that you could choose to look at, acknowledge and say,”never mind, what now,” to? If you did that would it give you more space in your world?
What popped up for me is the question that melted my world when I first heard Dain Heer, ask it on a tele summit 7 years ago:
What if you never did anything wrong?
They were just the words I required to hear. As soon as I recalled it, I chose, right then and there, to live it, and at least for one day I will treat myself as if I had never done anything wrong. I will have epic kindness for myself and my body. I will have total allowance for everything I think, choose, or don’t choose. And, then I will take to space to notice what it shifts. Who knows, maybe I’ll do it the next day too!
Would you be kind enough to you to give yourself just one day of this, and see what it creates?